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Above: The Cat with the Golden Gun
Above: Howdy. My name is Ansel Adams. My publicist made me post this because soon I'll be lead cat in a Disney movie about RECALITRANT CATS. It's titled, "Bad Cat, Bad Cat, What Ya Gonna Do (when they come for you)?". It'll be a hit. Like 10,000 Dalmations or whatever that stupid dog movie was. Quiet charm and easy good looks is what got me that part. Too bad my stoopid human editor left that hair in the shot. Moron.
Above two: It is what it is
Above: Government worker for the water department in SE Asia. It's just PVC plastic. Never use a jigsaw when a nuclear bomb would afford so much more finesse. They wonder why Third World countries are stuck in the Third World. This is why. It's not so much a lack of resources or education or money or opportunities. It's a peculiar and profound lack of the same common sense God gave a crowbar and it's genetic. Spend a decade or two here and argue that it's not.
It's hot. And, well, it's hot.
The Swamp Monster Lurks Below...
Significant Other to MyMateNate
The blood thirst is in the eyes
No, I won't actually say the word
Life is cold
And cars are bad
....which is why it's the law of the pack to chase them away
To answer the question, no, the wild dog didn't get the bird
Oh for Crap's sake. Look at me! Do I look even remotely like a threat? I'm just a lonely dogfish, swimmin' on by. See ya later. ALIGATOR
Kiss me. Kiss me baby. Kiss me back like you mean it you stunning specimen of monkeyhood
It's not really my place to say I'm beautiful, because of course you already know that
Ok, Ok, so what is it this time? It better be better than the crap that last lady tried to palm off as monkey food. Honestly, I puked it up. If there had been enough time I would have pooped it out and threw it at her. No idea what it was. If she likes it, she can try eating it herself. WITH HER VAGINA. So let's see here, what is this crap? What? WHAT?! A nut? A frikkin' NUT? Like from 7-11 or WHAT?! Is it even salted? No? You moron. Where did you read that monkeys like NUTS, watchin' Youtube PORN, or MyMateNate? Yeah, he was here. Long time ago. Long story too. But suffice it to say he ran away like a weenie with his LONG tail between his legs after we KICKED HIS ASS. Wuss. At least Nate didn't try to cram no stinkin' CASHEWS down our throats. But YOU did. I can't get big and strong so I can go fight in the Monkey Wars and kick that Habib's ass. I need, like, I don't know, HERSHEYS! For God's sake man, have some damned compassion here. Here, you want this nut? Let me show you where to put it, asshole.
No, no man. I can't take it. Look, I seen you trying to give this crap to the stupid ones. Even they wouldn't take it. Harold wouldn't even take it, would he? And he's an imbecile! Eats ANYTHING! He even eats -- well, never mind. Cashews and Hazelnuts eh? They cause impotence for God's sake. No man. Really. Just take this back and, I don't know, maybe the snakes will eat it. Who knows. I don't mean to hurt your feelings man, but really. Be serious. Cashews from 7-11? You drive all the way to frikkin' Bang Saen from frikkin' Bangkok and all you can pick up along the way are NUTS. Are they even salted? Go give this crap to those losers up in Lop Buri. Someday we gonna go up there and reclaim some tribal lands. I mean it. Anyway, I'm hurt dude. I mean, we try to be cool to you hoomans. When's the last time anyone FRIKKIN' BIT YOU? Oh yeah, ok, ok, there was that little dust up with MYMATENATE awhile back. But he was a wuss for God's sake. Couldn't even fight Monkey Style. Personally, I lost a lot of respect for My Mate that day. I thought he was gonna be a contender, you know? But man, he started runnin' after only about -- what would you say Ralph? -- I'd say no more than ten of our brothers got on his ass. Hardly any blood at all. And that Yahoo is runnin', screaming. We all thought he pissed his pants. Seriously. We thought that. There was this little trail. We all saw it. But anyhoo, Nate won't be back for a long, long time after that. And as for your nuts, you can keep 'em dude. Seriously. We got bananas and other shit up the wazoo here. What we REALLY need is a little Hong Thong, you know? Like them tiny bottles you guys get on the airplanes, comin' here? Now THAT shit, man, I'm tellin' you -- THAT is some SERIOUS SHIT. Gets those bar Lings goin', if ya know what I mean. I'm thinkin', MyMateNate comes back here with a suitcase of those little Hong Thongs, I bet he gets a pass. Yeah, I could almost guarantee it. But you? You? Look, turkey, take your frikkin' nuts and put 'em somewhere, 'cause they ain't wanted here. I can maybe cover for you for a little while, while you get on that dainty little scooter thing and beat feet. Hell, we can ALL run faster than those little buzzers. But I can't hold 'em off for long. Get moving turkey. I can't even bear to look at the crap you bring us. It's disgusting. Just take it and go. That's your pass. Just once. Go man. Go now. No don't look back! No eye contact, no eye contact, remember that.
How to cross the street in SE Asia. Carefully. In groups. Fearfully. And if possible, armed and with a Big Boy to slow them down before they get to you
in Jomtien, Chonburi, Thailand!