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I know, I know. I shouldn't have done it. I guess. But these little peckers parade through here day in and day out in and out and they have SUITCASES full of the tastiest shit you have ever seen. I mean that. Suitcases. And it just makes your mouth water. And what do they give us? A frikkin' banana? Like we can't find a banana in SE Asia? So they travel 8500 miles to give us a BANANA?! Or what's worse, a nut! From 7-11! Can you IMAGINE!? Like we've never seen a nut before. These people are morons. Ok, I grant you, the big ones are a little scary. Not that you, me, and Ferdinand over there couldn't take one out. We could. You know what I'm sayin'? But the little ones. Those kids. Not much bigger than us. They're EASY man. Usually they're just too shocked and stupid to do anything. They stand there like a frikkin' deer in headlights. You run at 'em, bare your teeth, scream like a monkey possessed, and most of the time they just drop those BBQ chips and beat feet like we was demons. I was laughin' so hard I almost forgot to pick up all the junk that one dropped. I know, I KNOW, ok. You don't have to tell me. We start makin' trouble, the monks trap our asses and move us on out to -- to -- the JUNGLE. God knows what happens out there. There's lions -- real ones -- and more snakes than you can shake a stick at. Even elephants! Real frikkin' elephants! You saw that movie -- the kid -- that elephant. They was friends. But in the real jungle, it's not like that Bob. Those suckers'll KILL you. They don't care. Honey Badgers out there. Honey Badgers don't give a F--- Bob. They really don't. You just look at 'em, like, you know, maybe you didn't even really see 'em, and they'll kick your ass Bob! So yeah, I'm sorry I stole the chips, ok? Ok Bob? But you know, a ling can only take so much Bob. We can only take so much.
Kiss me. Kiss me baby. I have honestly never laid monkey eyes on such a heavenly countenance as yours. We can do this baby. Just come on outta there. I'll show you the world! Just one little monkey kiss. Know what I mean, baby? That's right, that's right, come a little closer. Get ready. Get ready! This is gonna be a sloppy one!
How do they start these things anyway, dag nabbit. If I could just....You know I don't think it's that difficult because it takes them like one second. If I could light this rocket off, I could be outta here in two shakes of a monkey's tail. Cambodia, baby! Laos! The world would be my effin' oyster. I could peel out, konk that hooman in the head. Yeah, that's the ticket. I seen 'em run when we chase 'em, but ain't none can run as fast as this rocket. Man. Just think. I bet I could go all the way to AMURICA! Maybe even Lop Buri, where the Monkey King lives!
Oh hellfire. I left my watch at Nancy's tree. It better be there when I go back, that's all I can say
I can see your ass. Did you know that? Look. It's RIGHT THERE. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can see -- What you gonna do when I YouTube this? You're in a Public Place, hooman. Ain't no lawyer even gonna talk to you. I can make millions. I'd have, like, a billion trillion bananas. Then I'd have ALL the girls. Just keep shovin' that thing in my face, hooman. I was sleepin' peacefully. You started this. Not me. YouTube. Two words: You. Tube. Or is it one? They were never clear about that. Like Donkey and Poop. Two words or one? How are we ever supposed to know these things? Be nice if someone wrote a BOOK. English for
Harold! Wait! Stop talking for God's sake! If you put your ear up to the thing, you can hear the ocean! On my side, if you look into that thing, you can see NEVADA! Oh. Wait. That's the inside of your stupid empty head. Want some of my banana? I think I'm too full to finish it. Burp.
in Jomtien, Chonburi, Thailand!