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Girls Who Fall Down, an "Eclectic Channel" Podcast

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This is an auto-generated speech-to-text transcript of an "Eclectic Channel" Podcast

 

 

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Good afternoon from Southeast Asia. I'm sorry I've been off for a while and my

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voice is toast... or you know you could say my voice is effed... effed... okay now we're on

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YouTube we can't say what we want we gotta you know appeal to the delicate

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sensibilities of the snowflake sensors that's what we're doing we're appeasing

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the sensor okay so today's topic people fall down right well I mean you know I

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don't I don't have any friends that do you know but you know there's a there's

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a percentage there's a segment of the population of I was gonna say the world

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no it's not true no here's a percentage of the population of all Western

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countries that you know falls down they just fall down it's like I used to ride

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rustler patrol for for a really big ranch eleven hundred sections six hundred

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and forty acres per section and I rode horses all day and all night you know

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looking for rustlers and when we caught him we'd shoot the engines out of their

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car there well the trucks usually and leave him it was a lot of fun it was a

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pretty good job didn't favor very much but anyway the point is we went through

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a lot of horses or I did two or three a day usually wear them out and so I got

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to know a lot of horses and I learned a lot about a lot of horses and the one

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thing that stands out in my mind from all those years of doing that is that

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some horses fall down some don't there's certain kinds of horses that fall down

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and other kinds of horses that don't so we're not talking about horses we're

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talking about people but it kind of sort of bequates you know so the way this

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whole stupid thing came up was that we make podcasts about aliens hundreds and

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hundreds of hundreds of them over many years they do not fall within the

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parameters of you know one bristed snowflake sensors and so they're not on

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YouTube because they would be banned instantly probably every single one but

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we make podcasts about aliens okay we do it for a long long long time and we've

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covered 1,400 cases of supposed contacts with aliens you know we got 8,000 cases

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in our database left to go and we were going through those we were making a

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podcast with those the other day and we just we just choose these cases at random

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through the database and we go well here's a case of Bob Smith you know and

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he sees some aliens and the aliens come down and they probe him you know it's

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grisly you know it's like that and then so that takes five or ten minutes or

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whatever and then we go to the next case and here's a case of you know Martha

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hears a noise in the barn and she goes out there and there's aliens stealing

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her pigs you know okay so that's another case and and it's it's just you know it

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just runs a gamut there's you know it just runs a gamut of every kind of thing

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you could possibly imagine and all kinds of things you could you would never

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imagine the side of a halcyon dream you know so in the one podcast we for some

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weird random reason we kept running across these stories where people were

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I think they're being approached by aliens or so they claim you know they

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claim dot-com you can go there to read their claims they claim dot-com or alien

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anal probe dot-com you know lots of places have our podcasts all the RSS

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feeds were and in this one episode we kept running across these stories of

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people who said yeah man we were out walking on this trail we're hiking you

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know and aliens came and I they started coming towards us you know and so what

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would we do you know we ran because that's what you do if the aliens are

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coming right you run you run like hell because you know what they know you know

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maybe they're gonna eat you maybe they're going home eat parts of yeah

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that's worse you know it's better they just eat the whole thing you know you're

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dead in a few minutes and then you don't really care about what happens after

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that but if they just eat parts and then they leave you know that's worse I think

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that sucks I'm not sure you have to do you have to do a poll on that you know

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and we thought what the heck what what's going on with this cluster of cases

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where people say the aliens are coming but there was one component of these

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that was puzzling in this cluster of cases in many many cases that we covered

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in that podcast that the guy and the girl see the aliens whatever the

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scenario and and they're running running running and the girl falls down

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what do you do you're the guy what do you do so that got us thinking you know

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this is something you got to think of way way way beforehand you know you got

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a girlfriend you gotta think this through you know before this shit

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happens so you got a girlfriend right now right you got a wife you know you

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got a little one or you're a guy and you got a boyfriend or it doesn't matter you

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got a significant other you know and you got it you got to map this out in your

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brain before it happens so what are you gonna do aliens come or you know

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whatever other scenario and you got a run you got a hoof it and your other one

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your other half they fall down now in the world out on the Serengeti you know

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you're a caveman and you know the hyenas are coming or the lions you know

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chupacabras whatever you're walking along with a girlfriend you know maybe

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you got a couple of rabbits or a couple of rats or a snake or some damn thing

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you know you're you're you're carrying it back to the cave you're gonna cook it

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up and you and you got 300 meters to go you know and girlfriends walking 10 feet

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behind you know like they do because that's in the genes I don't know I guess

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I don't know and actually there's a reason for it I'll tell you in a minute

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there's a reason that God programmed them to walk 10 feet behind you all know the

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reason okay the reason is okay the man in God's eye okay lady sometimes I need

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to be punished okay so when I say bad things I you can do that oh okay so in

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God's eyes or in the eyes of the great pumpkin or Allah or what's that other

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one Buddha the man the man the manly man is more important no really I mean you

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know read your Bible okay probably says so in the Quran too I don't care but God

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knows this everybody knows this the man is more important so here's the deal

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you got the man and the other the lady you know usually the lady whatever God

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wants the man to survive and the ladies expendable I'm not saying this shit you

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know God said this so God has programmed them they get something the ladies he's

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programmed them genetically to walk 10 feet behind and the reason for that is

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okay you you map this out in your brain it's pretty obvious right you're walking

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walking walking in your 300 meters from the cave from the safety of the cave

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because there you got fire and you got sharp sticks and shit like that so you

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know you make it to the cave you're pretty much pretty much good you know

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but the hyenas they're watching you and they don't really give a rat's ass about

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that stinking rabbit you cut you know they're looking at you and they're

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creeping creeping creeping you know like Wiley e coyote behind the tree behind

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the tree you know they're sneaking up from behind and who are they gonna get

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first the lions the chubacabras the hyenas it doesn't matter who they're

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gonna get first if the if the woman is 10 feet behind who are they gonna get

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first they're gonna get the woman and that's God's will really it is and what

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happens then they get the woman and that gives the man just a few seconds to bolt

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okay and that's that's part of God's plan that's what he wants because that

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way more more men will survive so you got to think this through I mean back in the

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Serengeti days you know it was it was a no-brainer you run you know you hear a

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little commotion and some dust behind you and it's like one of those cartoon

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fights you know big ball of dust and the leg is sticking out and the arms

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sticking out and the chubacabras are honor man they're honor and in those

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days you know we really have any morals well we don't anymore

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anyway but you bolt that was that was programmed into your brain but now we

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got this moral shit going on and we got this twisted idea that the chubacabras

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come you gotta go back and help the girl that's a they call it chivalry I think

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or something like that some other sin and I don't know what they are

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here so we're at a disadvantage today in the modern world now I've had this

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happen quite a few times and that's that's why I struck a nerve with me you

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know going through these alien stories where the guy and the girl you know

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aliens are coming and you know damn well what they're gonna do you know it I mean

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what's the name of our website alien anal probe calm you know you know what

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the hell is coming you know this and you don't want it right well I mean some

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guys do you know the majority probably 51% of the male population doesn't want

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to alien anal probe so since I've had this happen with girls girlfriends that

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struck a nerve with me all these girls falling down and I got to thinking about

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it and I remember in times when I was walking along with some girl somewhere

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you know ten years ago twenty years ago didn't matter whatever because you

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remember this ship and I remember one case you know it was a rainy day a nice

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drizzly day in a northwestern city back in the US and walking along with this

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girl it's okay nice girl you know whatever average nice girl you know

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properly genetically coded to walk ten feet behind I really hate that but it's

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God's will you know you can't go against God's will you know whatever will be

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will be you just you just let it happen and so she's back there and it's a it's

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a it's a drizzly day it's a really pleasant day you know no wind or anything

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like this is drizzle drizzle and we were going shopping or downtown and

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across in the street big old crosswalk you know smooth and nice and everything

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just fine and in Europe you know fluttering of gargoyle wings behind you

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you know you know if you're older and experienced you know damn well you know

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you you know what happened and you turn you think oh god and you turn and you

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catch the last you know second or two of the of the crash usually what happens is

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they trip over like a flattened cigarette but you know I don't know why

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part of God's plan they're just predisposed to it and so they have tripped

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over the cigarette but it's flattened from all the cars but still you know

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that's it it's it's like it's like this up let's see can you see it yeah I turned

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it okay so they trip when they go down and the weird thing that happens in all

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these cases is you're walking it what do you walk you walk at three miles an hour

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you know it's pretty slow I mean I don't know you're not running for God's sake

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there's nobody around her you know 20 feet nobody around her nobody

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freaking pushed her but when she hits the wet pavement you would think there's

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really no inertia there you know you just go down no she slides she slides

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you know part of it is that that that slick painted crosswalk white paint you

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know it's slippery and so you know you go down on that it's gonna be like a

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slip and slide a little bit you know slide along I don't know where they get

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this inertia because you know three miles an hour but they'll slide seems

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like eight nine feet and the thing that immediately instantly happens is the

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purse busts open because all purses have a mechanism inside it's a little spring

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thing and it's it senses nobody knows they're in there it senses when they go

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down and when they go down the spring thing pops it's just a pump and it

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ejects all the contents of the purse you know if not for the spring thing okay

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the purse would open probably and a few things would fall out you know the

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lipstick and the makeup and the I don't know whatever they hell they carry in

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there no one even knows it's like a little black hole but that but that

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never happens what happens is that spring thing ejects it forcefully

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ejects it okay so everything comes out so she has slid eight or nine feet on

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her face no it's not fun

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have to be an asshole that wouldn't you and it's terrible sorry I am too old and

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jaded to be bothered by too many things anymore okay so she has slid her eight

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or nine feet her recos at eight or nine feet but then the contents of the purse

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they continue on for another 20 and all this shit you know a lot of it rolls you

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know the lipstick rolls and rolls and rolls and then some car you know runs

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over it right about then some kid on the other side other side of the street

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standing on the sidewalk you know he goes down he goes down in a lump that

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slider anything he just goes down and you know the parents run to him oh my

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god what happened to me and they pick him up and you know he's got a red hole

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middle he's for him and the wife just screams oh my god he's been shot he's

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been shot he's my baby is dead oh god and husband jumps up and he's looking

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for the shooter you know got it a son of a bitch must have a silencer you know I

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never heard nothing I'll find him I'll find him on and then right about that

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time the kid wakes up well I was just a freaking lipstick you know car ran over

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made it squirt out from the little applicator thing and flew across like a

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bullet hit the kid in the forehead you know that's all it was but that shit

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happens pretty regularly you know and it's unfortunate you know the kids

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traumatized but anyway so you so girlfriend is down so I mean there's no

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two bacarbas there's no lions there's no hyenas so you we run back there and I

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mean you first you you hear the fluttering of the gargoyle wings you

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know and you know you know and you just look straight ahead you close your eyes

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oh god oh god oh god not again oh my god not again and then you got to turn

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quickly you know you can't contemplate very long you got to turn quickly quickly

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jerk around you run back to her because she's back there somewhere oh my god

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honey what happened did that bad man push you you know because you got to

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help her save face a little bit I mean that only other guy is 35 feet away

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he's walking the other direction you know and he pushed her maybe a pigeon

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pushed her you know that's it but you got to help her save face you know oh

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god honey are you okay oh god and you know if you're a real chump you kneel

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down in that little puddle that she's in you know and if you pick her head up and

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hold her head in your arms you brush away hey you know the flattened cigarette

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but that's stuck to her cheek and shit like that and you say oh baby what happened

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I'm so sorry it's okay and she's blowing bloody she's blowing

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bloody bubbles you know it hardly hurts at all

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you want to go to the hospital I don't know I think be able to open my eyes and

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a few minutes you know did their swans shed already how the hell they do that

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and uh be asked her if she wants to get up to minute you know I just got a

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collect my son but this time you got a crowd because some of the cars have

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stopped you know some of them are still running over the shit from her purse

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some of the stopped and some pedestrians have come and you know her her skirt is

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around her neck patties are half down and she's all wet you know wet stuff

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stuck to her legs and scrapes and contusions and and then the selfies

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start you know if an asshole's I almost said that bad thing sensors don't like

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assholes I can say that I'm pretty sure and pretty soon you got a look you got a

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line you know I got you got like a queue because they there's so many of them

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little selfie paparazzi you know all these guys are lining up squatting down

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next to her you know getting selfie and group photos and shit like that and

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smile and you could tell them f off you know but hell there's 19 of them there's

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one of you you know you don't want to risk a brawl and she doesn't see him yet

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you know because her eyes are are swollen shut so you just don't you just

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don't mention it you know you don't say hey maybe there's a 19 guys taking

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pictures of your your wet crotch you know you want me to stop them you know

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what she's gonna say she's gonna yeah asshole go die for me so you just don't

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bring it up you know she'll see him you know eventually on Facebook or something

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she'll see the pictures you'll say God I don't know I was right there I didn't

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see those guys what the hell oh man I would have killed him I would have

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killed every one of them in Jesus but you know just let it go and what you can

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do at this point now if you're opportunist son of a bitch

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God help you if you are asshole you just lay her down gently you know you bunch

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up her purse I mean not a purse her her dress because it because it's up around

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her neck and if you bunch that up a little bit you make a little pillow out

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of that and you lay her down on that sort so her head you know she's she's

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not actually in the puddle you know and and you get up quietly and you and you

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go to the guy you say hey guys guys you know it's really unseemly come on this

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is this is my girlfriend this is my wife you know the little mother of my cat

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for God's sake you know you got you got to stop this selfish shit and the guys

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are like yeah I know it's it's it's pretty obscene you know I mean we're

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kind of sorry a little bit but look at the photo up look at this look at this

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and you and you walk back and you look at it from their perspective oh my god

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it's you know you're wishing you had your DSLR and they are too and you say

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guys guys look okay she's gonna have some medical bills you know she's gonna

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need some some help because I don't have a lot of money you know so the least

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you little assholes can do is you want a selfie five bucks or quantity discount

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you know videos more what do you want what do you want cash only no cards

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and they're like okay okay well that's okay because you know we want to help

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her out you know beautiful girl by the way please she was a few minutes ago

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they can put those teeth back in we're pretty sure but it's gonna cost money so

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yeah we'll go to five bucks come on guys come on and everybody's opens her wallet

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you know and the cash just flows in you know I made 320 bucks on that one time

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space of I don't know seven eight minutes something like that yeah pretty

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damn cool and she never knew thing I mean I suppose years later you know she

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found the pictures on Instagram or something I don't know she's long gone

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by then so you know you help her get up after a while

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make sure that guys are gone you know nobody's dangling fives and tens and

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twenties out there once that once that opp is gone you know you help her up and

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you collect the purse you know little soggy tampons you know in the puddle

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stuff like that shove them back in that black hole of a bag and you help her

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hobble over you know when she was gone you know what the hell happened to that

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thing maybe some dog got it you don't know some car tire kicked it up you know

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it's somewhere went down the storm gutter you know where the hell is it so

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she's hobbling on stupid girl shoes on one foot you know shoe shoe singular

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shoe and you help her over the sidewalk and and then you know you gotta take her

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to the doctor maybe a suture or two you could do that at home for God's sake but

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she said no no no I know damn horse you know go to the real doctor and

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she's like okay and then you got medical bills and then she looks like crap for a month

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you know and then she'll find some way to blame you you were walking too fast

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asshole you shouldn't have even crossed the street there there was a cigarette

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but asshole hell so it's bad all the way around there's there's really no upside

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to it now I told you in the beginning you gotta you gotta think this through

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before it happens because when it happens and it will and it will you gotta

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know what to do instantly because there's no there's no time there's no

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time to stand there and contemplate let's see I run back oh baby what happened

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or option B you're bold you're bold because that's nature's way anyway in

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Serengeti that's that's what you do you'd save yourself right so that's kind

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of our instinct it's like well it was fun last 23 years it's okay but now the

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hyenas got you baby and I'm really sorry I'll see you next time around

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you're gone back to the cave so in the early days when this happened to me I

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would go back oh baby oh baby what happened oh I'm so sorry oh I'll kill

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that bad man and as I got older and this happened more and more now they're not

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all girls fall down there's there's a certain type of girl that falls down and

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they know who they are because they've been falling down all the damn life I'm

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not gonna say who it is but they know who they are you know who you are and we

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know well I mean we older guys experienced guys we know and we just

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avoid you now we see you coming and we just never meet because we know better

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so as I got older I changed my thinking on this and now my strategy is I go back

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I go back you know make sure she's at least semi-conscious make sure she can

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mumble a few mostly coherent words you know like oh okay she'd say that

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hell she's good she's good to go so you take a 20 and slip it into her bra you

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said taxi yeah yeah okay but the message gets across and before she can object

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you're gone and you know like in one particular case we were headed to the

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mall mall was a block away goes down

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gee two blocks that was really too far on a flat sidewalk two blocks come on

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well yeah it's too far so yeah slipping the 20 you keep one handy in your pocket

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for these situations like jeans you know they have they have that little secret

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pocket next to the big pocket you keep a 20 in there all the time and so you go

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back you say oh I'm really sorry I'm gonna I'm gonna go get some help

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you just stay right there you know cars will go around you don't worry okay I

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love you oh I love you so much I love you so much baby it'll be okay I just

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gonna get some help I'll be right there and you go now in this one case I made

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the mistake and you and you live and they learn and I learned I just

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continued on to the mall we were headed from the block away and I went inside

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open I went to the main doors and I just glanced back to see if there was any

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commotion back there you know emergency lights or anything like that crowd or

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anything there was nothing there nothing going on what the hell what the hell

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they got her already and that's a that's good 911 service in this city wow

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um no the raging bull was whoofing it on down the sidewalk towards the mall

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stupid me she spotted me I had a son of a bitch I sort of panicked I what I

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should have done that should have run out you know cuz she can't go very fast

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you know like a broken ankle or something like that already how fast can

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she go I should have just backed on out of the mall doors and went some random

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direction you know I could have sprinted through some back alleys and shit like

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that um she never would have found me but I kind of a dumbass and I went into

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the mall she never find me in the mall and I found a little coffee shop not too

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far from the entrance and I just sat there I went to bed you know by big old

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fake plant and I ordered a latte or some damn thing I thought I'll just sit

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back here and she'll look around a little bit and then you know the

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security will throw her out you know they don't want the blood all over the

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tiles you know people will yell at her because she looks homeless and shit like

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that and they'll just throw her out and then you and then you give it good

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measure you know 20-30 minutes and just finish your latte and and then you just

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go home you know that was my plan man she hit those doors didn't wait for him

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to slide open boom you can derail those doors and maybe they're built that way

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in case of emergencies you hit them hard enough if you're a buffalo you hit those

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doors they're gonna pop off and you come right on in and they did and

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everybody's horrified and people are grabbing their kids like oh my god and

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she's snorting and you know stamping that one foot and smoke is shooting out

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of her ears and she like that it was ugly and I just I pulled that little

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thick planter thing a little more in front of me and she's below sound

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he's still using that I don't know why and uh clippity-clop clippity-clop

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cloven hooves you know clickety-clack down through the mall and she disappeared

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somewhere I don't know where the hell she thought she probably went to the shop

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we were originally going to so that was my only one instant of brilliance I

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didn't go to that shop and she probably went there and I just you know slipped

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out the back jack set myself free so once she's gone out of sight inside the

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mall I went the other way went down my car went home back in the garage I had

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a for sale sign I ran out pounded that into the yard and closed all the

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curtains and turned out all the lights and hid the car walk away figured you

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know eventually that day or after she got sutured up you know or something like

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that eventually she's gonna show up there and look around they bang on the

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windows something like that of course you block her you know you block her I

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did I did that sipping the latte you blocker you block everything you got you

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know and the reason you do this guys is because you know it's gonna happen again

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this is not a one-off they don't do this one time you know this this is a pattern

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and you just get yourself gone find another one of a different type and some

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of them can go for years without falling down so sometimes you get I don't know

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two three four years maybe before they go down and those can be happy times

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but you will survive the two carbs didn't get you aliens didn't get you

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nothing got you and she probably wasn't really working out all that well anyway

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think about it critically you know that's kind of a win-win and you know

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you don't send them cards nothing like that on your Facebook page you get one

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00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:59,760
of those black deceased things you know in case she goes gets another account

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00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:05,400
she comes and looks at your Facebook you're deceased you could say something

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like this guy killed himself because he had such a horrendous remorse about

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leaving his girlfriend in that puddle in the crosswalk you know he just said off

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himself he's gone now and if she's at least a little bit gullible sent another

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trait that God programs in and she'll just believe that and that'll be the end

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of that you know everything's good okay so this is the first episode in our

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00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:51,680
YouTube channel we don't have any other episodes that are YouTube suitable

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00:38:51,680 --> 00:39:03,240
because they're nasty vulgar crude so we're making a special effort to clean

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00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:12,520
some of our stories up and we'll put them on YouTube if you like them if you

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00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:17,880
want more stories you oh god I hate guys who do this it you watch these YouTube

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00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:22,200
things and the guys are four seconds into their spiel and they're like be

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00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,960
sure to hit that like be sure to subscribe well how do you know if you

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00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:30,760
want to subscribe for God's sake you haven't said anything yet asshole maybe

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00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,280
you're a moron how do I'm not gonna subscribe and then it turns out you're a

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00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:39,520
freaking moron and then I got to unsubscribe shit so if you got to do

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00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:45,240
this big thing everybody says you have to I hate it I hate it I hate it I can

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00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:51,920
make stuff I cannot sell stuff I can just make stuff that's all they say you

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00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:58,640
got to do this big and shit please please subscribe to our channel well the

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00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:03,960
problem is it's true because if nobody subscribes then the people who create

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00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:10,000
stuff for you they just stop creating stuff they go away they could do other

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things so I I don't know I I subscribe to a number of YouTube channels you know

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00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:27,560
I never thought in this lifetime I would ever ask people to subscribe to my

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00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:36,560
channel please oh please I'm begging them I hate that love that stuff anyway if

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00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:41,520
you don't then won't be any more stories and if you're okay with that then don't

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00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:49,720
subscribe make us go away we will into the ether

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00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:59,120
this channel is called the eclectic channel it's not you got to pronounce it

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00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:05,920
correctly ec see it's like people go around they say etc no it's not etc it's

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00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:13,440
etc this is not it like tickets eclectic it means many and varied it means all

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00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:17,080
kinds of crazy damn shit and that's what we're gonna do with this YouTube

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00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:23,880
channel because we cannot be confined to one genre of stuff so we're gonna do all

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00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:27,280
kinds of whatever whatever material we've got we're gonna do it we're gonna

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00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:40,120
pack it all into this one channel the eclectic eclectic eclectic channel and

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00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:47,080
that's this is the repository of all our stuff that's not aliens and it's not how

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00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:53,120
to retire in Southeast Asia we got a whole series of podcasts on that some

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snippets of that material will end up in this channel we'll clean it up take out

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the f-bombs and stuff like that and the sexual content you know other

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objectionable things we'll take it all out and some of that stuff will end up

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00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:16,800
redone on this channel but so this challenge is for everything it's for

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00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,640
every crazy idea we ever had and ever will have that's where it's going right

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00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:32,320
here on this channel and there you go subscribe but only if you like it and

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00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:42,680
only if you want to see more eclectic crazy shit if you don't genuinely feel

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00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:52,400
like you want to subscribe we don't want you to all right thank you very much

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00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,920
good evening

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where's my camera one two we got three cameras hell I think this one's good

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evening and good night